Popularity Game

My daughter hangs out with boys at school everyday at lunch.  Sure, this bugged me a little when I found out.  I asked her why she didn’t hang out with the girls.  She said “All they want to do is walk around and gossip.  That’s not fun for me, I’d rather play dodgeball.  Walking around and talking sounds boring.”  This made sense to me, so I shrugged my shoulders and thought “Well, that sounds like a good reason, and at least it’s not because she’s boy crazy.”

After a few months though, it started to really bother me.  I began thinking about how I didn’t want her to miss out on the beautiful friendships that women can build.  I wanted her to be able to enjoy the closeness that only us girls have.  I thought about how after I have had an evening out with my friends, my hubby always asks “So what did you guys do?”  I almost always reply that we just sat around and talked and talked.  This has always been so confusing to him.  “You just talked?  You didn’t do anything?  Just TALKED?  That sounds so boring.”  See, men have to be doing something, while us ladies can get together and just share our lives with one another, face to face.  We laugh together, we cry together.  We try to get in as many coffee dates as we can, and pick up where we left off.

Wanting my daughter to start building these sweet friendships, I asked her again “Why do you only hang out with the boys?  Why don’t you hang out with any of the girls?”  “I try to Mom, but all the ‘popular’ girls hang out in a circle, and when I try to go over and join them, they push me out.”  My jaw dropped “They push you?!” I asked looking her in the eyes?  “No, I don’t mean they push me, they just, you know, step in front of me and don’t let me in.  They just don’t accept me.  So I go play with the boys instead, because they don’t care, and they accept me.”  My heart dropped.  She didn’t hang out with girls because they were all part of the popular crowd….and she was not.  It wasn’t that she didn’t want to hang out with them, the real reason is that she just wasn’t allowed.  

You know, this whole popularity game is stooooopid (yes, it’s dumb enough that it doesn’t deserve to be spelled right).  It infuriates me that kids can be so exclusive at such a young age, and for what?  As I sat and thought about it, and my eyes teared up.  She said it didn’t really bother her, that she was ok.  But it bothered me, and I wasn’t ok.  Do you know why I wasn’t ok?  Because that kind of junk doesn’t end on the schoolyard.  Unfortunately women everywhere feel isolated, lonely and forgotten.  Even in the church.  I could name numerous times that I’ve felt “squeezed out” of already established friend circles.  Pleasantries were exchanged, but I knew I wasn’t welcomed.  Have you been there?  What is that all about?  If there’s anywhere everyone should feel welcomed, it is in the house of God.  Can I get an amen?  We have been placed and planted in the house of God to build up the people of God.  If we decide rather to tear down and turn it into a playground popularity game, we have completely lost the plot.

I picture the body of Christ like the mighty Redwood forests in Northern California.  I was intrigued one day reading about them.  These trees can grow to a height of almost 400 feet.  They are so huge and intimidating, that when you stand at the base of one, you literally feel like you’re shrinking.  Interestingly enough, the deepest their roots will go is only 12 feet into the soil.  I’m no math whiz, but that ratio seems to spell disaster.  But there’s something special about the redwoods.  Though their roots are shallow, they grow horizontally, and actually become entangled with their neighboring tree’s roots.  They truly become one huge living organism together.  I imagine that if you tried to separate the roots, you wouldn’t be able to tell which root belonged to which tree.  These mighty giants would topple over during a storm if it weren’t for the support of their neighboring trees.  The Redwood’s roots remind me of our arms.  Arms that should be linked, entwined, joined together.  We need each other to be able to stand strong when the storms come.  We should be so closely knit together that the world can see that we won’t be easily shaken, that we will stand together.

We can’t busy ourselves with the popularity contests which don’t disappear after adolescence.  It is my hope that we will work towards unity within this group of people we call the church.  May God forgive us for the times we have created an environment that squeezes out new people just searching for a place to belong.  How many missed opportunities, how many broken hearts have passed through our buildings and left no better than when they came.  Start today by welcoming, including, encouraging, teaching and inspiring anyone you come in contact with.  And, oh yeah parents, make sure your kids know that life is about more than who is popular and who’s not.  Let’s teach our kids to love others, by showing them how it’s done.

                                                                              

The Bible isn't boring, you're boring

Don’t be offended by the title of this post.  It’s a quote from one of my favorite speakers Levi Lusko.  He was teaching and was noting how amazing the Word of God is and out came the quote “the Bible isn’t boring, you’re boring”.  I mean how many times have you sat down with your Bible, yellow highlighter, notebook and worship music with the full intention of getting in some really great time with God, only to be left feeling like you’re sitting in a lecture on quantum physics.  You don’t understand it, you don’t want to read it, you want to close the book and do something less demanding, like looking at your Instagram feed, again.

Truth be told, on most days, I am more interested in reading a People magazine than I am in reading my Bible.  Hold on!  Wait, don’t stop reading yet, keep on going…eyes on the screen…there you go.  Please know that I have a full understanding of how wrong that statement is.  I also want you to note that I didn’t say that I choose this magazine over the Word of God, I simply said my human brain always wants the easy way.  For this reason, glossy pages filled with photoshopped pictures, less than meaningful articles, and the “Stars!  They’re just like us” portion sounds WAY more fun than chewing on the book of Leviticus.  

Here’s the truth, there is a constant battle for our hearts, minds and souls.  The enemy (that’s the devil) is a stinking liar and wants us to believe that we will gain much more insight for life if we read about celebrities and their pets than we will if we dig into God’s word.  Wait a minute…this Book was written in God’s own words for us because He knew every single thing we would face in our lives, from beginning to end!  Don’t we all wish someone would write a song about us?  God went above and beyond (as always) and wrote a whole book for us!  I know, it’s pretty special.

We shouldn’t only read it because it’s written just for us, and because we need it to get us through the tough times in life.  This book is EXCITING!  There are battles won, battles lost, kings, queens, creatures that fly, enemies that die, people that sin, and a God that wins.  Ok, I didn’t set out to rhyme, it just happened, sorry.  But seriously, if we recognize how amazingly exciting God’s word can be, it will come alive!  Be honest with God.  If you’re bored and would rather spend an hour on Pinterest, tell Him!  It’s not as if He doesn’t already know, the way you sigh and roll your eyes is giving you away.  Give it 10 minutes, and expect to be inspired, enlightened and blown away by this amazing Book that is just waiting to be read.  Don’t be boring, go read your Bible!

Pity Party of One

Some days, doing what you’re called to do feels like it’s just too hard.  The heavy weight of responsibility can make us feel like we’re not competent enough to carry out this call God has placed on our lives.  You know where those thoughts and feelings come from?  The great deceiver, the condemner, the liar…satan. The Bible says he comes to rob, kill, steal and destroy.  He doesn’t come to just shake things up a bit.  He wants to do a swift drop kick to knock you off your feet, then he wants to climb up the ropes like some crazy WWF wrestler, and jump from there nailing you in the chest so you can’t even take a breath.  Can you relate?  The devil will ALWAYS kick you when you’re down.  He’s not content for you to just be tired, he wants to pulverize you, and any faith you have left in Jesus.  If he can do that, he wins, and you lose.

Well, not long ago, I’d had a rough week, fraught with wicked uppercuts to the chin, roundhouse kicks to the ribs and a pretty accurate one-two punch.  It was just a down time, nothing I could really put my finger on, just had a little case of the blues.  I’ve found that any time I’m disappointed in any way, my old failures find their way in again, paralyzing me.  It seems like any time I would find my footing, I would get knocked down again and again.  I couldn’t figure out what was wrong.  And so ensued a lovely little pity party…  

You’ve had one of those right?  You know the kind where it’s not enough to just be a little bummed out. You throw a big shindig and you do that party up!  You decorate it with cups full of regret, sugar bowls tainted with sorrow, and a big fat cake of despair! Maybe you even bring others along with you.  You send them texts that say “Does God even care about me?”  You email them “If God loves me so much, then why are things not changing for the better?  Why I am so sad?”

As I tuned in to the local Christian radio station, it seemed all the messages I heard were about the strongholds satan can bring into your life, and to not underestimate his power.  He’s not stronger than God, but without allowing God to be our shield, we are left unprotected.  I let it sink in, but only a little, because this little bit of wisdom was, after all, interrupting my pity party.  How rude!

I once heard a pastor say “How dare you say ‘does God really love me?”  Talk about a jolt!  I was instantly convicted and humbled.  I remembered all that Jesus went through at the cross, the pain, the agony.  I was reminded that when everything else is going wrong, there is one thing that will never change, and can never be erased…THE CROSS!!  It was for me!  How dare I doubt the love of a God who threw shame to the wind, embraced all of us, and died in our place.  Not a quick, easy death, but a horrid, mortifying, excruciating death.  Not to mention carrying the weight of our sin and shame, a feeling He had never endured, having never sinned.  We know what shame feels like, because every time we sin we feel that heaviness.  But imagine Jesus who was without any sin, suddenly feeling not just my shame, but the shame of an entire world, from generations past, present and future.  That is a weight and pain that cannot be described in any language.

Oh friends, it is my prayer that God would forgive our doubt, forgive our flippant view of the cross at times.  Impress on us the magnitude of His love, His sacrifice, and His unending devotion to seeing us, His children win!  He wants us to succeed in all that He has called us to by walking in the power of His Holy Spirit!  When life is less than perfect, it is my prayer that God will make us useful, with full followers who do not waver.

Needless to say, my pity party didn’t last long.  But this was one party I was happy to have crashed!

Don't make it big, make Him big.

If I had a nickel for how many times I’ve been told I should go on American Idol, The Voice or some other TV talent show, I’d probably have about five bucks.  Once a man told me he believed it was God’s will for me to go on The Voice.  Of course, I’m flattered and encouraged, and don’t for a second think that I am putting these encouragers down.  Whenever I am asked if I’ve ever thought about auditioning I’ve replied “You know, it’s just not really my thing.”

It is not my long term goal to make it big in the worship or music scene.  I am certainly not in ministry for the money, and God forbid that I ever make it about that.  It is, however, my intention to make Jesus huge.  I want to write music and share songs that help brighten the dark places, and bring hope where there is none.  I want to speak life to what is dead and encourage people that they are not alone, and that God is not finished writing their amazing story yet.  

As it turns out, being a worship leader is a pretty lucrative business.  When I was the one in charge of booking special guest artists at our church, I was flabbergasted (my ultimate favorite word) at the high cost of worship.  Granted, not all are this way but due to these ridiculous prices, we rarely brought in special music.  As for me, I’ve decided that I will never charge a church any certain amount.  I never want to put a price on bringing worship music to a church.  I feel that it changes the purpose.  I understand that a worker is worthy of his wages (1 Timothy 5:18), but I also believe that God takes care of my every need.  (Luke 12:27-31).  Now, of course I would love granite countertops, travertine floors, a glistening swimming pool, and a lush succulent garden all around my beachfront home (no I don’t have a beachfront home).  Those things are not needs though, those are wants.  I am in no way condemning people who have those things.  Honestly I have to repent an uncanny amount of times when I am on Pinterest as I drool over gorgeous, perfectly put together homes.   However, growing up a missionary and pastor’s kid has taught me that God will provide for all my needs, not all my wants, and He makes us content with exactly what He has given us.  I have no desire to drive a luxury car to my next women’s retreat or worship conference.  I am content getting incredible gas mileage in my Prius thank you very much.  Please understand, if God decides to increase my territory in ministry, I would be absolutely delighted.  I am amazed at the places He has brought me.  From southern California to Australia, and Europe…following Him is truly an adventure.  I just never, ever, ever want to put monetary compensation above Him.

What is my point?  Am I putting down worship leaders or artists that have a set fee?  No.  Am I criticizing and judging their motives?  No.  Am I saying that everyone should do what I do?  Um, no.  I can only speak for myself, and the desires of my own heart.   I really can’t sum it up any better than these words written over 100 years ago.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise. Thou mine inheritance now and always. Thou and Thou only first in my heart. High King of Heaven, my treasure Thou art.

May my heart always be set on the praise and provision of God.  May I always promote Him and His agenda, forsaking my own.  May He forgive me for any times I have made it more about me and less about Him.  May He take me to places I have never been, to minister to people I’ve never met, to share with them a Truth they’ve never heard, to introduce them to a Savior they never knew.  I am His, I will follow, with Him escorting my heart, and steering it along this amazing, adventurous path He has laid out for me.

I Dare You!

Wednesdays have become my writing days.  I drop off the kids at school, find a spot at my favorite coffee shop, grab a pour over and get cozy.  Last week I was writing about my adventures as a traveling worship leader, when the cutest teenage couple came in and sat within ear shot of me.  Now, to be clear, I wasn’t eavesdropping, but as I saw them get all comfy on the couch next to one another, I couldn’t help but notice (and hear) them.  You recognize young love when you see it.  It’s all about body language.  She flips her hair, and tilts her head just so.  He chivalrously offers to go get her a glass of water instead of letting her get it herself.  Every comment is met with more laughter than necessary, and there’s very little silence.  Everyone else around them disappeared as they got lost in their own little world.  It was adorable to watch as I remembered the days when I flirted with my (soon to be) husband when he was still oblivious to my real feelings about him.  As they continued to chit chat, I began to realize they were talking about mission trips, and all that God was doing.  I was all smiles inside as I got excited about what God was going to do in these two young people.  I thought back to when I was their age and I was excited about going on a mission trip to Africa, it was all I could talk about.  As I reminisced, suddenly God started talking crazy to me.

“I want you to pray for them” said His voice running through my head.  I’m sure I outwardly showed my confusion as I thought, “I don’t even know them, I just thought they were cute!  I mean, aren’t they cute?  What am I supposed to pray for them about, and besides I’m writing right now, and I don’t have much time”.  I continued on with my work, as that thought (read command) kept running through my mind.  Finally God said it strongly one more time “Go pray for them.”  My heart started pounding, and my lips got chapped just thinking about it.  You see, most people who know me are aware that I’m really more of an introvert.  Yes, all areas of ministry God has placed me in are no place for someone who’s not naturally outgoing.  But because He likes to show us what a miracle worker He is, and also because I believe He has a wonderful sense of humor, here I am doing a extrovert’s job.  It’s quite hilarious when I stop and think about it.  And now, here God was again, asking me to step outside my comfort zone!   

I fiddled with my rings, and gently bit my (now chapped) lip trying to plan out how I was going to approach these cute little strangers.  Then raising one eyebrow I realized that whenever I plan something out it never works, so I just scooted across the couch and said “I’m sorry to interrupt, but…um what are your names….what church do you go to?”  They looked a little stunned, and a tad wary as if I was about to sell them a Tupperware set.  I told them I couldn’t help overhearing them talking about God and just felt like I was supposed to pray for them.  Their expression changed as they said “Ah that would be rad!  Yeah, totally!”  So we bowed our heads and I just prayed that God would bless them in whatever He was calling them to, that they would go forward in boldness.  I prayed that they wouldn’t have any wasted years but that their days would be lived out loving and serving Jesus.  When i finished praying, they thanked me, and I told them God bless, and nice to meet you.  There was no big fanfare.  The sky didn’t open up, and I didn’t get some revelation in my head of what they were going through.  I did however walk away with an excitement about what God’s next covert operation would be for me!  It was downright exhilarating to see how God gave me a command, and then gave me the bravery to carry it out.

Sometimes God calls us to do things that seem small, almost insignificant.  But honestly, is anything we do for Jesus meaningless?  I may never know why those two needed a prayer that day, and that’s ok.  All that matters is that I did what God wanted me to.  What about you?  Any strangers God wants you to talk to today?  I double dog dare you.

What will people think of you?

I sat silently in my car, held the phone on my ear, and listened. “You really need to be careful who you share your story with.  You could lose a lot of people.  I read some of these stories you’ve written and thought ‘gosh, I don’t even know who she is anymore.”  The words rang out and felt like a knife to my chest.  After years of being open and honest about my story with anyone God had asked me to, I had taken a leap of faith and given some of my writings to an acquaintance of mine who was a book editor.  They were just a collection of devotionals, or short stories, like you’re reading here on my blog (thank you by the way!)  First she had told me the short stories were charming, which felt like the equivalent of a compliment to a kindergartener on their rendition of the last supper drawn with all stick people. (um, gee thanks?) I was then given this little gem of advice, to try not to be too honest about who I had been, because people may not like me.  It was the first time I had been met with such distaste after telling my story.  While some may have been surprised, most had been thankful that I had opened up, entrusted them with my heart, and were stoked to see all that God had done in my life and marriage.  But this was different and it hurt.  Really bad.  

At the end of this phone call I was left defeated, wondering if she was right.  Maybe I should just shut up and not tell my story.  Maybe I would lose a lot of people.  I texted one of my best friends and recounted the conversation, telling her of my defeat and how it felt like a ton of bricks sitting on my chest.  She reminded me that I didn’t need to take everything someone said to heart.  That my story was God’s story and that I was able to reach people who have been in my situation in a way nobody else could.  I remembered that I wasn’t out to impress people, I was out to obey God.

As the day went on, and this conversation weighed on my mind as these types of things do, God spoke gently to me: 

“Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.” Mark 2:17

I realized, THIS is my calling.  Here’s the deal.  Some of us have amazing testimonies filled with upright lives that have completely glorified God.  I am so amazed and inspired by women who have kept themselves pure before marriage, never had a drop of alcohol, a puff on a cigarette or had a swear word leave their lips.  What a testimony this is to the fact that the Holy Spirit gives us the power to live these lives set apart for Him, it can be done!  It is what I pray for my children.  But, it’s not my testimony.  It doesn’t make it worse, or better, it just makes it different.  

I believe that God has called me to reach out to those who feel broken and beaten, and completely unwelcome into the church with the baggage they carry.  I believe God has called me to lighten their load simply by letting them know they’re not the only sick person here.  The church is filled with sick people.  People who need Jesus in a desperate way.  People who have been rejected by God’s own people because of their story.  In the same way a doctor can’t help a sick person who won’t admit their sickness, Jesus can’t help someone who doesn’t realize their hopelessness without Him.  

Without Jesus, we are all hopeless.  Without Him we are all a nosediving plane just waiting to hit the ground.  My encouragement today is simply this: God has given you a story, and it is a story that someone needs to hear.  Maybe not right now…maybe you’re still in the middle of your healing and that wound is too raw.  But someone, someday will need your story to revive them from the comatose state they feel like they’re in.  Don’t let the fear of what people may think keep you from obeying the Creator of the universe and the Maker of your heart.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you all to go start a blog and tell the whole world.  Maybe your story will be used in one or two people, who need an intimate friend who knows exactly how they feel.  In whatever way He calls you to share your life, do it!  He will use you in ways you could never imagine, to reach those that no one else can.

 P.S. Oh, and what about my acquaintance?  Some people won’t understand your vision, or what God has called you to.  She’s completely entitled to her opinion.  I don’t think of her as a hater, or someone who doesn’t realize her need for Jesus.  God has just given her a different calling, and she does an amazing job writing and editing some wonderful books!  I learned a lot from the blunt words she spoke.  No hard feelings here.

Hey! Are you a rock star?

My flight into Phoenix was late.  So I was late for my connecting flight.  Causing me to power walk with my guitar through a dark, eternally long hallway.  As I pretended to be the bionic woman on the moving sidewalks I wondered if I was being pranked and contemplated where they’d hide the cameras.  I was acutely aware of my lack of physical fitness, as the increase in breathing and heart rate (from being the bionic woman) left me with a cough reminiscent of my lifelong smoking grandmother (God rest her soul).  I then found my gate, and my place in line. Was asked by another passenger if I was a rock star,  if I’d trashed any hotel rooms, and what I was going to do in San Jose.  I was not going to San Jose.  Once I found the correct gate (right next to the wrong gate), it was deserted.  Being the last passenger, I began my brisk walk of shame down the jetway.  With a relieved and slightly panicked sigh I met the flight attendants at the front of the plane with a “Hi there!  You’re probably going to have to check this”  pointing at my guitar.  I dodged the frustrated glances of the buckled in (and on time) passengers as the friendly flight attendants worked hard to find a spot for my (abundantly larger than regulation size) carry on baggage.  I was the one thing standing between this flight sitting at the gate and taking off.  While the sweet little flight attendant was hunting down an overhead bin for my guitar, I asked the other flight attendant how his day was and exchanged some meaningless pleasantries.  

”Excuse me.”  Said a man in the front seat  “Are you a worship leader?”  With surprise in my voice I said  “Yes!  How did you know?”  With a genuine smile, he tilted his head and said “I could just tell.”  I was taken aback.  I smiled and said “Oh wow, really?  Well that’s way better than the guys who just asked if I was a rock star who trashed hotel rooms.”  This induced laughter from the front section of the plane, and made me relieved that I could break this waiting with a little humor.  The stranger in the front row and I talked about what church we attended, before I was called to the back of the plane where a spot had been found for my guitar.  As I loaded up my guitar, I turned to the passengers on that plane and said “I am so sorry everyone, it’s totally my fault you’re all still here, thanks for your patience”.  Most smiled, even chuckled…but not all of them.  I’m pretty sure a few of them were thinking “sit down and shut up guitar girl”.

I found a seat between my soon to be friends Laurie and Mark.  Laurie was a mom born and raised in Mission Viejo with one teenage daughter, who attended another local church.  Mark was a stunt car driver for car commercials and owned land and horses, didn’t like the city, and was glad his kids were grown and gone so he could spend time with his best friend…his wife.  (I know right?  So sweet!)  As we flew home we all talked about our lives, I told them that I had just finished doing music for a women’s retreat, and how I love what I get to do!  It seriously amazes me constantly that I am able to travel around wherever people will have me to lead worship, teach or whatever else people will let me do to give glory to God!  (Still waiting to be invited to come perform my ribboned tambourine routine, the love for calisthenics seems to be waning.)  

I never did officially meet the man in the front row who “could just tell” I was a worship leader.  I was so blown away by how God was able to shine through my stressful traveling debacle.  It got me to thinking about how God can be revealed in so many ways, without us saying a word.  The man knowing I was a worship leader had nothing to do with me really, considering I was a coughing, sweaty, slightly frantic mess upon my arrival.  He hadn’t seen me lead worship, or give my testimony, or even say the name of Jesus.  He knew nothing about me, or my life.  His realization had everything to do with Jesus!  He shines through our weakest, most harried moments.  Isn’t that how it should always be?  People shouldn’t need to see us in our “church” element to know that there is something different about us.  It was the ultimate compliment, not one that made me feel good about myself, but one that made me say “Wow God!  Thank you!  Thank you for being visible through me, when I’m not even trying!”  Isn’t it beautiful when God reminds us that He doesn’t really need us, but He loves to use us.  I can just imagine Him up in Heaven saying “Hey guys, watch this, she’s going to be so stoked.”  Ah what a loving, and fun Father we serve!  He loves to surprise us and truly make us sparkle in a way that make people notice.  They don’t notice us, they notice Jesus and that’s what matters.

P.S. Completely unrelated note…there was also the moment where the TSA peeps thought my microphone was a flame torch.  Kinda felt like 007.

When it was over

Six long years ago, I faced the biggest crisis in my life.  I had made some devastating mistakes that could result in my marriage ending, with Biblical grounds.  I chose to be honest with my husband, and so ensued the longest, most arduous journey we’d ever embarked on.  We moved our family of 4 from San Diego to Orange County in less than 24 hours, and moved in with my parents.  For the next couple years we focused solely on healing.  What a gift my parents gave us by providing us with space and safety while we worked to rebuild what had been broken.  Not only did they give this gift to us, but they gave solidarity and certainty to our beautiful daughters.  I believe that their sacrifice in bringing 4 extra humans into their home saved these precious girls from so much heartache.

One of my most favorite memories of this time may sound pretty insignificant.  Often times I would turn on some music, get out a puzzle, and spread the pieces out on the dining room table and start painstakingly sorting through and constructing the finished product.  Something about it made me feel accomplished. Maybe because the puzzle reminded me so much of our life at the time.  There was one song in particular that was on constant repeat.  “When it was Over” by Sara Groves was the soundtrack of this time.  I remember listening to her sing the words “when it was over and they could talk about it” and dream about the day when that would be true for my husband and I.  I longed for the day when I could say “a really long time ago, this happened in my marriage”.  The devastation was far too close and far too fragile to be brought up quite yet.

Recently I realized that it was indeed over.  It didn’t just come to an abrupt end.  I suppose things heal over time and it just takes awhile for us to notice.  I was walking up on stage to sing one last song after an amazing gospel message at a women’s Bible study, and I was overcome.  Have you ever cried in such a way that the tears flowed without warning or restraint?  Like a river that has no end, they poured from my eyes as I played the final song (thankfully my friend was able to do the singing!) I found it difficult to compose myself, as I was completely overtaken with thankfulness that God not only writes the story of our life, but loves us so completely and tenderly throughout the process.  I am so thankful to be able to share my story now as I look at it from afar.  I am thankful for the distance between me and my downfall.  I am thankful for the perspective that comes with time, and the ability to discuss the intricacies and the hurts without the sting that makes you want to retreat and run.

After the service ended I went home.  But first, I needed to make a quick stop less than a mile from home…my parent’s house.  My mom was worried as she saw my swollen eyes, and heard my sniffles.  I poured out my heart through tears of complete and utter thankfulness, expressing that without my parents love, provision and wisdom, we would not be where we are now.  Oh how thankful I am for parents that walk in the ways and the wisdom of God.  I praise Jesus that He has brought us into a spacious place, and that He rescued us because He delighted in us.  (Psalm 18:19).  

Arriving home, I fell into the arms of my husband.  Our love is deeper, richer and stronger than it ever was before.  I am thankful that the storm of the past is over.  I’m not only thankful for where we are now, but more thankful for where we aren’t. 

When it was Over by Sara Groves

When it was over and they could talk about it, she said “there’s just one thing I’ve got to know…what in that moment when you were running so hard and fast made you stop and turn for home?”  He said “I always knew you loved me even though I’d broken your heart, I always knew there’d be a place for me to make a brand new start.”

Oh love wash over a multitude of things, make us whole.

When it was over and they could talk about it, they were sitting on the couch, she said “what on earth made you stay when you finally figured out what I was all about?”  He said “I always knew you’d do the right thing even though it might take some time.”  She said “Yeah, I felt that and that’s probably what saved my life.”

There is a love that never fails.  There is a healing that always prevails.  There is a hope that whispers a vow, a promise to stay while we’re working it out.  So come with your love and wash over us.

Dig Deep

I went on an adventure with a friend of mine Saturday morning.  We were on the hunt for wide open spaces that would make a perfect backdrop for my newest CD cover.  Living in Orange County, California I never knew there were open spaces to be found, but my photographer friend Jen knew exactly where to look.  She took me to a beautiful nature reserve near Coto de Caza and we started exploring.  It was just a few days into Spring and the hills were blanketed in bright green, with splashes of sunny yellow.  As we hiked around I noticed a canopy of trees that looked inviting.  We walked under the umbrella of beautiful green leaves to find a lush, shaded meadow with a dry creek bed through it, and something caught my eye…

At the edge of the creek’s shore there was a tree.  Not unusual when you’re walking through a meadow, but there was something unusual about this particular tree.  The earth beneath it had been washed away when there had actually been water running through the creek.  Half of the tree roots had now become a brown, scraggly archway suspended above the creek bed, while the rest of the roots were still firmly planted in the earth.  Not only was the root system beautiful, but it intrigued me how the tree was still standing with half of its root system exposed.  It dawned on me that it had little to do with the tree roots that were exposed.  What was more important were the roots still buried, clinging tight, and diving deep into the soil.   

There’s a beautiful similarity between that tree and our lives.  So often in this adventurous life following Jesus, we can feel like we’re on a cliffhanger wondering what’s next, and how will we process through it.  Our exposed “roots” make us feel vulnerable and frightened wondering if we will be hurt, how we will be hurt, and how long the pain will last.  Meanwhile, we can often forget that while some of our life feels exposed and defenseless, we still have deep roots that are grasping tight to the soil that nourishes and sustains us.

When the storms of life have come and eaten away at the soil we used to be so comfortable in, we have a choice to make.   When the bottom drops out, we can choose to either let everything else go down with it, or we can grip tightly to the ground we still have.  We can choose to dig deeper, letting our roots sink deep into the truths of God’s word and the promises He has made to us.  His word says that He is not a man, and He doesn’t lie.  (Numbers 23:19).  He says He has good for you, and He WILL make good on that promise.  So, while we feel like parts of our life are cold and shivering and left open to the elements, we can trust that God hasn’t stopped nourishing us, and loving us so very perfectly.  

Our precious, loving Father in Heaven hasn’t left you on your own, He hasn’t abandoned you.  If you will dig deep like this tree,  He will not only keep you existing, He will cause you to THRIVE, to grow beyond your own expectations.  People who see you walking through the struggles you’re enduring will say “how are you still full of joy…how are you still standing…how are you still OK?”  When they ask, you will be able to point them back to the God that has held you, comforted you and nursed you back to health.

Dig deep my friend, with the roots you still have knowing that God is preserving and creating in you a beautiful strength that has to be seen to be understood. 

Throw back Thursday

Thought I’d jump on the throw back Thursday wagon here on my blog too.  Ten short months ago, I embarked on a 30 day journey to raise money in an effort to fund my new project Start Where You Are which is halfway finished thanks to many generous friends and family!  While the project funded, that 30 day trek was one of the most stressful things I’ve ever done.

I was talking to a super talented friend of mine named Jack, who is embarking on his own Kickstarter project.  It reminded me of how humbling it is asking people to come along side you and believe in what you’re doing enough to support it.  I learned so much from that experience, and it inspired me to reach out and help others in any way I can, no matter how small.  It also taught me that in the moments of uncertainty, not knowing what the outcome would be, that God was still with me, and had a plan.  I hope this inspires you in the same way.  Enjoy!

Guts out for the world to see

A couple of months ago, my husband and I came up with a crazy idea.  We saw artists, Christian and non-Christian alike having success funding their creative projects through Kickstarter.   Anyone from Evan Wickham to Carman (remember him?) were funding their new musical projects this way!  After lots of prayer, thinking and preparing, we thought “let’s just do it!”  I was nervous, excited, hopeful, and scared all at the same time!  What I didn’t realize was that launching a creative project in this way is really an act of putting your heart out for the world to see…and hoping they’ll like your heart and want to see more.  

Within the same month, The Lord gave me the opportunity to share my testimony on a live television/web show.  This interview wasn’t meant to happen until October, but due to scheduling conflicts, I was asked if I could do the interview on June 18th.  Trusting that God had it all figured out, I accepted without question.  My testimony has by no means been a secret, but this was the first time I made it known on such a grand public scale, and let people in on the mess that God had brought my husband and I through.  That is more like putting your guts out for the world to see, and hoping they’ll still like your heart, and now that they’ve seen your guts, you’ll hope they’ll like them and still want to see more.

While I would love to say that I am all good, and that none of this has moved me, I wouldn’t be telling the truth.  I want to seem strong, like I’ve got it all together, don’t we all?  But, I’ve strived to be all about transparency, I mean, my heart and my guts are already out there, right? So, with that I will say, these last 25 days have been some of the most challenging I’ve ever faced.  I’ve even had people within the church question my motives, and say that I need to just go get a job and raise the money myself.  The human side of me wants to act as if none of that matters to me, that people’s opinions aren’t important, that they don’t know my heart.  I realize in the grand scheme of things that is true…only God’s opinion is what matters, He is my defense and He alone knows my heart.  But the truth is, these things DO hurt, and the fact that these words coming from other believers is truly just sad. 

There’s a work God has been doing in me so far this month.  I’ve been convicted to look at other people and projects I didn’t support, when I could have.  I genuinely, with everything in me wish that I could go back to every single person who has ever asked for financial support, and offer them even $5 at the time they needed it most.  I now realize that it really is the heart and the thought that counts.  It’s the statement of “hey, you know what, I love you, I believe in what your doing, and I want to stand with you in this.”  It has been a season of looking at the motives of my own heart, my own selfishness, and a call to reach out to each and every person I am given the opportunity to come in contact with.  I’ve been challenged to stop squandering opportunities to serve and bless my fellow brothers and sisters in Jesus.

What a battle this month has been.  With only 5 days left, I firmly believe that God has a plan, that His ways are FAR beyond my finding out, and that He “owns the cattle on a thousand hills”, and that He could fund this project in heartbeat.  I also know that He could has a plan beyond this 30 days of funding, one that may not even need this Kickstarter.  If this project doesn’t fund, it doesn’t mean God has forgotten, or that I have somehow slipped through the cracks.  What it means is that He has a master plan, not a backup plan, not a plan B, but a PERFECT plan, one that He has known since the BEGINNING OF TIME!  What a MIGHTY, sovereign, gracious and loving God we serve!  

All of this being said, and at the risk of being seen as weak I will tell you, my heart has been overwhelmed by anxiety and twinges of fear this month as I truly throw everything I have out there counting on the body of Christ to help a vision come to fruition.  However, through the times of doubt, and the moments of fear, I have been reassured by friends telling me they are praying for me, God’s Word telling me He has the best for me, and above all the faith that God knows our hearts, He sees our guts, and He loves them!  He created us for His purposes, and He will not fail me, even if Kickstarter does.

Complete in Jesus,

Shannon

P.S.  Please check out my friend Jack’s Kickstarter and see how you can help!  My husband and I know very few people as kind, generous and deserving as him.

Every Morning

Every morning I have good intentions. With a sweet sing-song voice I wake up my 11 and 12 year old daughters. “Good morning beautiful” I say as I gently touch their soft cheeks, gazing at their beautiful long eyelashes. They’re getting so big! The dog stretches and shakes off ready for her morning snuggles. While they hop in the shower and begin the morning routine, I lovingly make their lunches usually with just one eye open and multiple yawns. I open the blinds to let the warm sunshine in. What a gorgeous morning!
As the morning continues something starts happening. The time is ticking and I realize we all need to get a move on. My sweet sing-song voice turns gruff and short-tempered as I realize they still don’t have their shoes on despite being asked multiple times. One of them hasn’t brushed their teeth, and the other has spilled jelly everywhere while trying to get it on her toast. “Feed the dog!” I snap the other as I tell them that we had to leave 5 minutes ago.
Once we are finally walking out the car, I become the referee in regards to who gets the front seat. With a roll of my eyes I find myself saying things like “just because your sister didn’t touch the door handle doesn’t mean she doesn’t get to sit shotgun”. Who knew there were such intricacies in the rules of shotgun?
All my good intentions have now been thrown out the proverbial window and I have had it. I’m half the Mary Poppins mom I wanted to be, and I’ve only been awake for 45 minutes! The truth is, with all my good intentions and plans to be awesome, more often than not, I’m really screwing this Mom thing up. I have come to the realization time and time again that I absolutely cannot, without a doubt walk through this job of motherhood without the moment by moment help of my Savior. I need Him to invade. To change my tone of voice and the temperature of my heart.
So every morning sways from promising, to hectic, but there’s always a beautiful bookend to our mornings. It’s my favorite part! As we drive we read a Bible verse and talk about what it means to us, and how we can apply it. As we pull off our freeway exit we pray. Prayers of thankfulness for a sunny day, for safety, hard work in class and good decisions even if everyone else is making a bad choice. God is so good to hear the cries of a harried mom who is just doing her best to get by. A mom who wants desperately for her kids to see Jesus in her. A mom who wants them to know that she constantly depended on her precious Savior to give her what she needed everyday. I think they call that leading by example. Oh I pray that as they grow they will always realize their need for Him.
I know one day I will miss these mornings. In a few years when my oldest will be doing the driving to school, my mornings may be a little less hectic, but they’ll also be too quiet. I cherish these AM drives. On the odd morning that my husband does the drop off, I miss the time I’m able to read and pray with them.

Yes I may be messing up most days, but in the end, I can’t go wrong turning the day back over to Him when it’s gone a bit crazy, and letting my kids see that my completeness comes from Jesus alone. I love that in this busy world, God is our quiet, and the One that brings hectic back to beautiful.

Half-Full of Years

I have, and always will be a Daddy’s girl.  Today I wanted to share with you not only my Dad’s amazing talents as a writer, but His genuine heart that longs to serve Jesus with every breath, and every fiber of his being.  Here’s something he wrote on his birthday 2 years ago.  It inspired me, and I hope it inspires you!

Its September 6th, 2012.

I just got my new California driver’s license in the mail. Not a bad photo. I recognized me.  It’s good until 2017.

And … Tomorrow I turn 60.

No big deal? Big deal?

NO BIG DEAL. It’s just another day really. Just another step toward heaven. Just another day to love God. Just another day to serve God. Just another day to love my family and the people God has put in my life.  Just another day to navigate through trials and victories. Just another day to ice my shin, and stretch my back before my morning walk or bike ride. Just another day to breathe the salty air and take photos of anything that makes me stop and laugh or say “wow.” Just another day to shuffle and reshuffle the papers on my desk and wonder if it’s really that important to “get organized”, whatever that means … I have a sneaking suspicion that whatever that is, it’s over-rated. Just another day to drink a small, half-caff, 2% latte (or 2). Just another day to carry on an open conversation with God, listening for His voice speaking back to my heart.  Just another day to pick up a guitar, ukulele, irish whistle or sit down at a piano and make up a melody or play with a lyric. It’s just another day really.

BIG DEAL.  I guess I finally have to realize that I’ve reached mid-life. Seriously, I don’t think I will live to be 120. However, compared to some of my Bible heroes, like Job who lived to be 140, Joshua (110), Abraham (175) and Moses, an even 120 … then I guess I AM right at midlife.  It says of them “they were old and full of years.”  By their measure I’m only Half-full of years. So maybe it is a big day. Maybe every day is a big day.  Maybe I need to start seeing that now. No day is a small day. Every day is a gift. These days are a bit more filled with doctors visits, even if it’s just for “routine check ups” for a guy of a certain age. But the point of each day is still to discover the big moments; those moments that will maybe change my life or the life of someone I bump into.

Last year I had some moments when I wondered if this day would come. If I would in fact see 60. A doctor or two looked at test results and had me worried about “my numbers” and whether or not the cause of those numbers would rob me of another full year. Those numbers did literally rob me of my breath a few times.  One afternoon in August of 2011 I had to purposely suck in oxygen, fight back tears, grit my teeth and refuse to let fear become a storm surge that threatened to break through the levee of my faith in the good, acceptable and perfect will of God for my life.  

In that embattled August, God shouted Psalm 103:5 to my frightened and shaken heart. “He satisfies your mouth with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagles.”  I discovered that I had, for some reason, begun to feel my age. I was 58 for another month, and although I had always seen myself as a 20-something, I began to give into the reality of what I saw in mirrors.  Definitely NOT a 20-something.  Psalm 103:5, quickened to my soul by the Hoy Spirit, changed that.  I jumped back 25 or so years, with a renewed vitality and desire to not “act my age.”

I have a couple good friends who are a bit ahead of me on this race. Duffy & Dave.  They are both like father figures to me. Duffy has been a cheerleader for me for 30 plus years. Wind on my sales. Every time we grab a cup of coffee, I come away more than caffeinated. I come away “faith-inated,” with greater faith to trust God for BIG stuff. 

And then there’s my friend Dave.  He amazes me.  He’s 82 but refuses to look or act his age. Walks between 6-10 miles every day. Cranks out 500 “fingertip pushups” everyday.  Eats a huge plate of raw kale each morning. Dave has strong opinions (political and otherwise) but he still smiles a lot. Loves people.  He also encourages me every time he sees me. He’s like a dad’s voice to my heart.  He’s a role model for me when it comes to health, though I have no intention of pounding those quantities of uncooked kale. But I am determined to push through the set backs of shin splints, back pain, various aches and issues and make my body do what I need it to do each day.  I want to give my kids and grand kids a good role model. I want them to see what  ”renewed youth” looks like.

So, today is a really big deal. I am really thankful. I am really blessed. I face challenges. I face God. I stand in a circle of wonderful people. I am more blessed than I deserve. I’ve lived way longer than I though I would when I was a kid.

Today is a big day. A big deal. I have a wife named Joy who loves me. A lovely lady who deserves an increased measure of love from me. A few years back, Jesus told me He loved her, and then spoke these words to my heart … “And I want YOU to show her how much I love her.”  I haven’t done a great job of that, but I’m still determined to gladly obey that invitation. I’m sure that’s one of the reasons I’m still alive.  I also have Bible studies to prepare, sermons to deliver, maybe some books to write, and a bunch more songs.  I have family events to attend. Kids and grandkids to applaud. I have a growing and wonderful tribe… Thank you Joy, Bethany, Shannon, Jeremy, Starlin, Geoff, Jessie, Joanna, Cooper, Emi, Mia, Abbi, Taylor, Jack, Micah, Noah for making me a rich man. And I pastor an amazing church. I just can’t believe I still get to do this.

So, yes! Today is a big deal. I get to follow Jesus today. A day further on carrying more stories of God’s greatness. A day closer to heaven. A day to reflect His grace, which still amazes me. A day filled with unique opportunities. I hope I recognize them. I hope I seize them. I hope I can decrease so Jesus can increase as I take my 60 year old body and my 25 year old soul into a the second half of my life.

And to start my mid-life … Here’s God’s word to my body, soul & spirit: 

Zechariah 9:12 … “Return to the stronghold, you prisoners of hope. Even today I declare that I will restore double to you.”  Hmm… Double. I love the sound of that. Maybe I will make it to 120 after all. My license says I’m good until at least 2017, so … Pass that kale, Dave.

And thank you Jesus. Let’s get on with The 2nd half.

Grace and peace

Bill (the kid)

Dandelion

The lowly dandelion has always been one of my favorite flowers. While I can’t bring a bouquet of them inside and place them in a vase, I do enjoy finding one of these treasures outside. Now, I’m sure all you gardeners are wondering why on earth I would love a weed, but just follow me for a minute. A sense of wonderment comes over me when I see one of these cotton ball blooms. I instantly want to pick it up and blow until every little part of that puffy blossom is floating on the breeze. Maybe it’s the kid in me, or maybe it’s something more.

I recently learned from my less than pleased landlady that, while dandelions are a treasure for some of us, they are a curse to others. Our newly sodded yard suddenly had dandelions popping up pretty much everywhere. She was definitely not very happy with me for allowing these weeds to live in her garden. It made me want to research dandelions all the more. What I found was that dandelions grow everywhere in the northern hemisphere, and that they actually thrive the more you pull them. Even more interesting was that the dandelion is first a bright yellow flower that then dies and dries up, leaving it to turn into the identifiable white bulb that I am always delighted to find. Not only that, but as I found out from my lovely landlord, every time one of those white cotton candy-esque flowers is wished upon and blown, hundreds of new seeds are planted.

You may read all that and think “OK Shannon that’s great that you embarked on a 6th grade level science project research mission, but what does this have to do with anything, and why am I still reading your blog?” Here’s my point. I imagine each of our lives as one of those dandelions. We are beautiful, simply because God created us, we are His, we are loved, and we can be one hundred percent secure in that love. But, we are also guaranteed some hard times in this life. We can know that we will face sadness, sorrow, and despair, which can cause us to wither. We can be left to feel like those little white blooms, dried up and completely fragile.

The true beauty of the dandelion lies in the way that it propagates. Every time an excited two year old (or an -ahem- thirty something grown woman) blows on one of these puff balls, we are planting hundreds of new seeds. From something dead comes new life. Now do you see where I am going with this? Isn’t it amazing!? How many times has God used your hard times to encourage another person in their struggles? God takes our dried up, broken down, dead lives, and allows us to plant new life in someone else, but we had to die first.

It is no mystery to God who your life will touch. Each of the little seeds that are sent into a flurry are shaped like a flat little umbrella. They float about until they reach a destination (unfortunately for my landlord it’s usually the new grass). The seeds of hope that came from your tragedy will take off and land and take root wherever God has planned for them to land. You never know who your story will touch, or when someone will need it.

Now you see why I have a love affair with dandelions. We are all little dandelions that go through seasons of growth, change, death and rebirth. God is constantly causing us to grow, allowing us to hurt, and always using us to bring hope. I am more than willing to be broken for a time if it causes another person to see that they are not hopeless, and that God is not finished with them yet. I hope that you will never be able to look at a dandelion the same! When you are aching for Jesus to take the pain and the sorrow, and make you new again, remember that He is doing just that. The seeds He is planting in you will go farther and reach more people than you could ever imagine.

garbage in, garbage out

Paleo, Whole 30, Raw, Vegan.  These are just a sampling of the current diet trends.  There’s even one called “French women don’t get fat”!  This diet starts off with eating only leek soup and drinking lots of water.  Pretty sure I’d fail at that one.  We all want results, but more often than not, we don’t want to put in the work it takes to get those results.

About 8 months ago, I was tired of suffering from chronic migraines.  I had learned to keep them at bay with regular doses of excedrin and ibuprofen.  However, I was starting to worry about the damage those medications were doing to my body, not to mention I was constantly exhausted and drank coffee throughout the day to avoid the inevitable crash.  My mom told me about how she had changed the way she eats which helped her to not only lose weight, but stop taking some medications for ailments she had been suffering from.  She literally encouraged me with tears to try it because she wanted to help me get rid of these massive headaches.

Quite reluctantly, I embarked on a life change, eating anti-inflammatory foods.  That meant no dairy, no sugar, no caffeine, no grains.  All I could see was this mountain of delicious food that was now off limits.  Creativity (and Pinterest) became my new friends as I set out to make yummy food that I was able to eat and still work towards wellness.  I honestly didn’t start out with the greatest attitude, but more to appease my mom.  I’m happy to report that not only have my migraines left me (praise Jesus!) but I feel healthier, and have even lost some unnecessary weight I’d been carrying around.  It’s amazing what a little willpower and pre-planning can do for you, oh and a WHOLE lot of almond butter and prayer!  

We’ve all heard the term “garbage in, garbage out”.  If we constantly feed ourselves junk, we are going to feel pretty junky.  If our kids are allowed to watch inappropriate movies with inappropriate language, they’ll start acting and speaking inappropriately too.  What we allow in, will show up in what we put out.  This applies not just to the food we eat, but more importantly our walk with Jesus.  All too often we put off reading our Bible and spending time with Jesus, and instead watch our favorite show, or just get busy with work or our chores around the house.  

Luke 6:45 says A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart. (NLT)  

Picture this: I was having an intense conversation recently, ok let’s be real it was an argument.  As I worked my way through this tough talk I realized that the words that were coming out of my mouth didn’t flow from the words of the Spirit, but from the words of Shannon (undoubtedly much less wise).  I was relying on my own reasoning to try to fumble my way through this conversation because I didn’t have any good things in the “treasury of my heart”.  Do you see what I’m getting at?  Garbage in, garbage out.  I was expecting my words to be filled with grace and kindness, but I hadn’t stored up any grace or kindness.  However, I had an abundance of pride, anger and resentment that I was readily dishing out every time I opened my mouth.  And my attitude was such that it seemed that I gave a big, hearty “You’re welcome” at the end of the conversation.  Sarcasm is my specialty.  

Put simply if we eat healthy foods, we will be healthy.  And in our walk with Jesus, if we read and take in His wisdom, we will be wise.  Then our words will be gentle and understanding.  We will be people who choose our words carefully based on what the Holy Spirit tells us to say, not based on our measly, human wisdom.  What will you choose today?  Will you choose to feed on the words God has written down for you in the Bible, or will you choose to dumpster dive in the abundance of worldly wisdom that is offered to you?  The choice is up to you, but just remember that you will put out what you take in.  Choose wisely.

An Unkempt Life

It was a beautiful Spring day in Sunny Newport Beach.  I decided to go for a leisurely bike ride through Back Bay.  This gorgeous protected area has a path that winds through the wetlands.  It is a breathtakingly gorgeous place to spend some alone time, which is exactly what I needed.  I breathed in deeply as I pedaled my bright red beach cruiser along the path.  It was pretty empty that day, as I only passed just a few people along the way.  The sun glistened off the water, making it looking like thousands of diamonds strewn into the shallow marshy waters.  Birds of all kinds were wading on the water, flying in the air, or walking quickly across the path to avoid me.  New life was springing up everywhere.  Flowers of every color dotted the sides of the path, and the smell of fragrant new blooms filled the air.

Suddenly my eye caught something that didn’t quite fit.  I abruptly stopped and glanced up a slight hill to see a tall, old, unkempt palm tree.  My Dad used to be a landscaper out in the Palm Springs area, which as noted in the name of the city is home to countless palm trees.  One of his jobs was to trim these tall, prickly, branchless trees.  In order to stay healthy, all plants need to be trimmed and pruned, so that the new growth receives all the nourishment.  It’s hard work trimming a palm tree.  My Dad used to tell us about how he would put a rope around his waist, and in order to hoist himself up on the long, thin tree trunk, he would have to throw the rope up a foot or so, and then pull himself up.  As you can imagine, this would be a painstakingly slow and labor intensive task.  It was no wonder to me why the tree had been left untrimmed for what seemed like years, no one wanted to take the time to groom it.

When a palm tree frawn dies, it turns brown, and slowly begins to fold downward towards the ground.  This tree had so many downed frawns that you couldn’t even see the tree trunk hiding underneath.  The interesting thing was how the frawns had fallen.  They weren’t in a random messy order, they had slowly folded one on top of the other in an organized, neat fashion.  As I stared at this tree, I thought about the sins that plague all of us.  We all have those same old sins that we are taunted with day in and day out.  Those same little stabs the enemy likes to take at us.  Just as those dead palm frawns had fallen slowly one right after the other, lining up in an orderly fashion, so do we.  We fall in the same ways again, and again, and again.  Sins that we have been set free from, are taken back up again, strapped on to our backs, and we trudge through life carrying them on our back.  We won’t get very far trying to lug around these sins, but we try to over, and over again.  Like the palm tree that was being choked to death by the dead frawns that literally covered it, so we take up sin, put it back on, and allow ourselves to stay unhealthy, and unable to receive the nourishment God wants to give us.

Friends, when God sets us free from something, He does a full work.  God doesn’t place sin back onto our backs and command us to carry it.  Just as He told the woman caught in adultery in John 8:11 “Go and sin no more”.  I’m going to let you in on a little something the enemy doesn’t want you to know.  You are forgiven, you are free, you are cleansed by the power of Jesus!  You are not chained to the person you were, and you are not obligated to partake in the sins you used to partake in!  Your job is to go and sin no more.  The Bible says in Ezekiel 36:25-27: “I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean.  Your filth will be washed away and you will no longer worship idols.  And I will give you a NEW heart, with NEW and RIGHT desires, and I will put a NEW spirit in you.  

Do you see?  God will never leave us on our own to accomplish anything He has asked us to do.  He not only removes the weight of sin from our shoulders by putting it on His own, He also enables us to walk uprightly.  I would like to add that not only will God make us do the right thing, by giving us a new heart, He will make us WANT to obey Him!  It will be our joy to worship Him by laying all else aside to follow Him.  We will see all other pleasures as second in comparison to this amazing life that He has laid out for us!  Anything less than God’s absolute best for us is settling.  CS Lewis put it perfectly when He said:

"It would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak.  We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when INFINITE joy is offered us.  Like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea.  We are far too easily pleased."  So, you see, our desire, and drive, and ambition are sorely misplaced.  We are settling for fleeting pleasures, and temporary excitement, when God offers us an abundant life that is not only fulfilling, but glorifying to Him.  

Are we living like that old unkempt palm tree?  Are we still standing, but covered and choking to death on our sins?  What will it take for us to stop the cycle of sin that we all saunter back into without a second thought?  Our only hope is the promise in God’s Word that says He will give us a new heart, and throw away our old, unfaithful, far too easily pleased heart.  However, He will not force us to follow Him.  The choice is ours to decide if we will take Jesus up on this offer or not.  We must weigh our options, and we must weigh them well.  A sinful life includes a reward of certain death, while a life devoted to Jesus includes, not only eternal life, which would certainly be more than enough, but God promises us more!  He promises to give us a full, abundant life right now, today!  Why would we pass up an offer like that?  It sure seems like an easy choice.  Let’s allow Jesus to prune, and trim away all that needs to be removed,  so that He can give us this beautiful, abundant life that He is just waiting to hand to us.

Screamin' over California

Screamin’ over California.  It’s my girls favorite ride at Disneyland.  They could go on it again and again without ever getting bored.  I have to admit, I do love a good, thrilling roller coaster, and this one fits the bill.  The first time I rode it everything was a surprise.  My ears were blasted with rock music, my heart pounded with every twist and turn, and I could feel my hips lift ever so slightly from my seat when we reached the highlight of the ride, the upside down loop.  I sure was thankful for that safety bar that held me securely in place.  As I sped through the coaster on my first run, everything caught me off guard, it was uncharted territory for me.  After a few rides though, I got to know when the turns were coming, when the upside down flip was, and most importantly, where the camera takes your picture so you can make a crazy face!

Isn’t life a bit like that roller coaster?  Unexpected turns show up out of nowhere, and catch us by surprise.  Sometimes our life is turned completely upside down without warning.  But what about those same old trials that come again and again.  They’re not so unexpected anymore.  You keep falling into your old sinful ways, you can’t seem to make your money stretch enough till the next paycheck, your children don’t listen to you, or you and your husband can’t seem to speak without a fight.  Before you know it, you are in the midst of the valley without even realizing you were headed there.  You wake up one morning and look around to see the devastation wondering “How did I get here?”  You know the feeling don’t you?  Maybe it’s that constant nagging sense that the bottom is going to drop out, or the feeling that you’re walking on eggshells.  You can feel like you are just starting to enjoy an awesome blessing that God has brought into your life, only to have it squashed by thoughts such as “This can’t last forever, I’m sure it’ll all fall apart sooner or later.” Or maybe you condemn yourself by saying “well, this is cool and all, but I’ll probably mess this up eventually, I always do.”    Is any of this sounding familiar?  

Sometimes when we look back at our lives, all we can see are the twists, turns, upside down flips, and unexpected stops much like the roller coaster.  We often get so fixated on them.  It’s easy to see ONLY the trials when that’s what we choose to focus on.  As I think about the attitude I get when I only focus on my trials, I suddenly begin to feel like a spoiled child who didn’t get EVERYTHING on her Christmas wish list.  I can just see myself saying “ok, fine so you answered this prayer, but what about THAT one?  Huh?  Why haven’t you answered that one?”  What we need to do is stop and allow God to open our eyes to see the answered prayers that we sometimes choose to overlook.  We need to be reminded of the victories God has brought in our lives.  Looking back at this life I have lived, I can spot countless times that God has answered prayers that I had prayed for years, often things I never even spoke out loud, but He knew the desire of my heart.  God hears all of our prayers, even the silent ones!  Anytime God brings to my memory the triumphs He has brought, I am overcome with gratefulness.”  My heart suddenly is flooded with prayers asking God’s forgiveness for a heart that seems to never be satisfied.  In these moments of clarity, I pray that He would cause me to worship Him for who He is and for how far we have come together!  That no matter what circumstances came my way, I would choose to see the victory rather than the defeat.

I should celebrate without holding back!  Triumphs, no matter how small should be pointed out and recognized!  Sometimes we find ourselves in a less stressful time, but we are holding on so tight our knuckles are turning white as we wait for the bottom to drop out.  That’s not living the abundant life.  Forget about ho-humming around wincing at every uncertain corner, waiting for everything to fall apart.  God is at the helm!  He’s the one running this roller coaster that we call life!  His Word says that He rewards those who diligently seek Him.  And one of the most amazing gifts He gives us is His peace.  Peace to know that whatever twist, turn, or upside down flip comes, we are in good hands.  We may feel like we are left hanging upside down for awhile here and there, but as children of God, we can have the confidence to know, that God is working to get us safely through to the end.  He never leaves His post.  God is, and always will be in control.  So buckle up and hang on, this life is so exciting, you never know what sort of surprise is waiting around the corner!

It's a twister!

"Auntie Em!  Auntie Em!"  The wind swirls around Dorothy as a tornado is seen looming ominously in the distance.  She frantically runs for the house, as her hair is tossed violently above her head by the strong winds.  She can’t find her Aunt inside the house, so she runs through the hurricane force winds to the storm cellar, trying her hardest to pull the doors open.  But the winds are too strong, and she is too weak, so she heads back for the house, fights to get the door open, manages to make it inside, only to be walloped over the head, sucked up by the tornado, and dropped in a fairy tale land called Oz.  We all love this classic story of Dorothy, the Tin Man, Scarecrow, and my favorite, the Cowardly Lion.  All she had to do was "follow the yellow brick road", and she would find her way home.  

I got to thinking about storms, and about the preparation that people make when an impending storm is coming.  They board up their windows, sandbag their property, stock up on food, water and blankets, or maybe they just high tail it out of there at the first sign of danger, heading for higher ground.  The fact is that in marriage, there is always an attack from the enemy, a storm that is threatening to bring torrential rains, gail force winds, and complete destruction.  If we are not prepared for these storms, how can we possibly expect to survive them?  When we wait until the storm arrives, it is too late.  We have already given the enemy a head start, and we are stuck playing catch up trying to board up our windows and nail our doors shut to keep out the pounding rain, and rising floods.  Just as Dorothy couldn’t get the door to the storm shelter open because she waited too long, once the storm has come we will be scrambling to mend the breach, strap down all our belongings, and try our hardest to make it through alive.  The enemy is always waiting for a prime opportunity to get into your marriage and destroy it.  Are you going to let him?

What does it look like when your marriage is being threatened?  What would a storm warning look like?  Wouldn’t it be great if we had a marriage maintenance report every day?  Something like “Uh, oh, looks like we’ll start off the day with disrespect towards one another, followed later today by unkind words, ignored texts, and we’ll finish the day with a knock down, drag out fight.  Please take the necessary precautions, as the first wave of the storm will arrive in about 2 hours”  Unfortunately we don’t have an Emergency Alert System that pops up whenever danger is on its way in our relationships.  However, we have been told in God’s Word that we WILL have trouble.  It’s not a matter of if, but a matter of when.

John 16:33 says “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.  Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.  But take heart, because I have overcome the world”.  

In this verse Jesus is promising that we will indeed have troubles, we will have storms, but we can still have peace in the midst of the storm.  How can we find this peace?  How can we be prepared for these storms that are constantly looming?  Truth be told, just like in Dorothy’s case where the tornado is lurking in the background swirling around headed straight for her house, the enemy is waiting, ready to pounce at any given moment.  I believe the first step in being prepared for storms is knowing that they ARE coming.  We need to know that the Great Deceiver, the Devil wants our marriage to fail.  Currently, Christian marriages have about the exact same failure rate as non-Christian marriages, this should not be so!  In the Scripture above, Jesus also says He has overcome the world.  This means that He has overcome Satan, and He is bigger than the storm that is threatening our marriages.  We must constantly be seeking God to find out if there are any cracks or crevices that exist in our marriages, places where discontentment can seep in.  

If you’re not prepared for the storm, you will be left vulnerable, an easy target for destruction.  Seek God right this moment for protection.  Ask Him to surround your marriage, pray that He will give you guidance on how to keep the door securely shut to temptation, and how to truly be an encouragement to your spouse.  You are a team that God has brought together, it’s essential that you function as such.  

In the hymn “I need Thee every hour” one of my favorite lines is:  “Temptations lose their power when Thou art nigh.”  Oh what a true statement.  Temptation is waiting around every corner.  Temptation to be disrespectful, or even the temptation to find acceptance and love in someone other than your spouse.  The only place we are safe from temptation is in Jesus’ presence.  He is able to keep us from failing, from falling, and from succumbing to the storm.  His power is greater than anything you will face. Our responsibility is to stand for Jesus in our marriages, to stand firm on the promises that He has given us.  He has promised to protect us, if we will come to Him for that protection.  So, batten down the hatches, load up the storm shelter with everything you need.  The storm is coming, and you need to be ready.

Restoration is not for wimps

I am in love with restoring old furniture that people have discarded as junk.  I remember growing up watching my Mom restore old furniture, and now  I love searching thrift stores for little treasures that other people have thrown out.  No matter how broken down it is, I love to picture what it has the potential to become.  Of course, restoring furniture is time consuming (not to mention nail breaking) work, but the finished product is a brand new piece of art.  It is fascinating to me how you can take something that was seemingly worthless, and create something new, beautiful and useful!

One of the most time consuming components of restoring furniture is removing the old paint, varnish or lacquer that may be covering it.  You can’t just slather on a new paint or stain without first stripping away the old.  Not only will the new color not adhere properly, but the old colors will show through and make the new color look imperfect.  I recently restored an old desk that came with a house we moved into.  I had to apply the paint stripper and scrape at the paint three separate times to get the old finish off.  

As my tired, aching hands worked at scrubbing, scraping and sanding that old desk, I couldn’t help but think about the work that God does in us.  We’re all covered in junk, and life dumps a lot of ugliness our way.  We’re like little kids who just want to keep jumping back in the mud once we’re clean.  But every time, God is willing to cleanse us again and again.  In the same way that every last layer of old lacquer or paint must be stripped away, God patiently works, gently peeling away all the residue that remains of our old lives.  He knows that even the smallest fleck of paint creates one more barrier between us and the work He is envisioning for us!

Once all of our old remnants are removed, God is able to lavishly pour color and beauty into us.  By the time He is finished we can hardly recognize the old sinful, tired person we were, in the shadow of this new stunning masterpiece He has created!  You see, God’s work is so complete that even those who knew us as we were can’t believe the contrast between who we were, and who we are now!  Have you ever run into someone who knew you from “way back when” and they said something along the lines of “Wow!  Something is different about you, I can’t put my finger on it…”? 

God has proven again and again that His promise to restore and repair what has been broken is true!  God is the great restorer!  His work in our lives is never halfway!  He sees the value in broken things, and is willing to put in the time it takes to make them not just useful, but beautiful again.  

Restoration is not for wimps! It is painstaking, heart wrenching and time consuming.  No-one can dictate how long it will take you to heal, nor is there is an “easy way” to heal.  Healing hurts!  It is painful, as God removes parts of you that you maybe weren’t ready to let go of.  True restoration takes sacrifice and courage.  Not man-made courage, that isn’t good enough.  The strength you need to embrace God’s healing can only come from Him!  See how that works, God wants to change us, and He wants to be our strength in the process.  My heart and flesh have failed me countless times, but God has been, and continues to be my strength from day to day.  I have seen God transform me in ways I never dreamed, and in ways that only He can!  An throughout the process, my heart was kept safe as it was being restored by the One who knows it best, its Creator!

The first step towards healing is allowing God in to begin the work.  Will you allow God to transform you in such amazing, intricate detail that you can’t even recognize the former person you were?  My prayer is that you will allow God’s restoring hand to do the work He has set out to complete, knowing that no matter where you start your journey, you will never be alone.  God’s plan for the finished product called (insert your name here), is more glorious than you could ever imagine.  You won’t even recognize yourself!

Dirty Laundry

Dirty Laundry

Laundry is my nemesis.  It never ends.  Every single week there it is, piles and piles of clothes that need to be washed AGAIN!  As soon as the dirty clothes hamper is emptied, it is filled with more clothes that need to be washed, dried, folded and put away.  Especially as a mom, I am amazed at the amount of laundry that piles up.  Sometimes I will just stare at it wishing I could make it disappear like Jeannie from the TV show “I Dream of Genie”.  I could just fold my arms over, blink and BOOM, the clothes would be folded and neatly placed in their respective dressers.  But, alas, the magic of television does nothing to help me with the laundry.  I have to take on those piles of jeans, t-shirts and towels myself.  They aren’t going to disappear, there is no easy way.  I have to painstakingly sift through each article, clear the pockets of rocks, candy wrappers, loose change and lip balms, turn them right side out, fold them, and make sure my husband doesn’t end up with our daughter’s pair of jeans in his drawer.

Much like the loads of laundry that loom, we are all hit with an unexpected crises from time to time .  We cannot ignore it, we can’t blink our eyes and make it go away, it is our crisis, our hardship to face, and we have to begin to pick through and find a way to sort it out.  As much as we wish we could delegate it out to someone else, it’s ours to deal with.  There’s an interesting thing that happens when you go through a crisis.  It changes you, and seems to divide your life into two halves: before and after.  Without even realizing it, there are things about you, and your relationships that will never be the same.  Some changes are good, some aren’t, but the changes are inevitable. One thing is for certain, nothing will be as it was.  I remember during a huge crisis in my marriage, my husband and I started seeing a counselor.  I just kept saying “It will never be the same, it will never be the same.”  His reply surprised me “But you don’t want it to be the same.  The relationship you had before had some serious flaws.  You don’t want it to be the same, you want it to be better.”  He was overwhelmingly right.  A crisis produces in us a desire to do whatever we can to overcome it.  We go into survival mode, and if our desire is to come through it alive and together, we will do anything in our power to fight our way through it.

I remember when our journey through healing began, I felt as if I was standing in front of our daunting crisis wondering how on earth we would get through.  It seemed insurmountable.  Although it wasn’t impossible (because with God ALL things are possible), it was by far the most difficult journey of both of our lives.  There were intricacies of this crisis that we didn’t even anticipate.  Feeling we didn’t expect, brokenness that felt it could never be repaired, and yet forgiveness that took us both by surprise.  Our God is BIGGER!

I’m so thankful that my husband and I have had the opportunity to reach out to other couples in crisis.  By using our testimony of failure and restoration, we have been able to encourage others that, though the fight is excruciatingly painful, it is so worth it in the end.  My heart breaks every time I hear of a couple who is just beginning the same journey my husband and I took.  They have no idea how long and how hard the journey will be.  There are more bad days than good days at first, and it’s often one step forward, two steps back.  There are days when you like each other, and days when you don’t.  Moments when you think you will make it, and other moments when you literally feel as if you will die simply from a broken heart.   Don’t ever forget that moving forward is moving forward.  It doesn’t matter how slow you are going, just make sure to keep moving forward in obedience to God.  When your heart is hidden in God, you don’t lose.  Much like sorting through the dirty laundry, God is walking beside you and will protect you as you process through this amazing road of healing He has waiting for you!

I'm fine, and you?

I remember the first time I saw a movie set.  It was an old west town with tall facades of a saloon, general store and sheriff’s office.  I was enthralled when I realized that behind these believable painted walls was a mish mosh of 2 x 4’s supporting those walls and…well not much more.  It didn’t really matter what was on the inside, because all the movie goers would ever see was the outside.

The reality is, we’re all trying to keep up appearances.  We post only flattering pictures of ourselves on Instagram and Facebook, and make sure to untag ourselves from those bad angle pics our friends tag us in.  We post pictures of our great days, but not the days that include tears.  People ask how we are and we say “Fine, and you?”  Often unbeknownst to ourselves, we are working hard to keep up a facade, a mask that gives the impression that we couldn’t be better, we’re doing just fine.  Well, to quote a well known TV psychologist “How’s that working for ya?”

Now, I have to be honest, I can be an expert at making things look fine and dandy on the outside while I’m really crumbling away on the inside.  I can be a master of small talk, making sure that I never have to answer any in depth questions about how I’m REALLY doing.  But, you know what?  Lately I have come to realize that I kind of hate the small talk that is required to keep people from seeing what condition your heart is really in.  Often the impersonal exchanges about kids, jobs, homes and the latest Target sale can take the place of really getting honest with someone.  

I have this burning desire to talk to people about their deepest, darkest fear, or what they’re most passionate about.  I don’t want to know HOW the person is as much as I want to know WHAT that person is really about.  What do they stand for, what’s important to them, and what is their biggest dream, or even, what’s their greatest struggle at the moment.  That’s where we get real.  That’s where those facade walls start to come down, and we are able to let someone else see the mess we are really dealing with.  That’s where the exhaustion of keeping up appearances melts away, and we can rest in knowing that we can be heard and understood. 

Our lives are made up of seconds, minutes, days, months and years, that sadly seem to go too fast.  Sunsets that fade sooner than you’d like.  Children that grow faster than you could imagine, and people who die far sooner than we would like.  I am tired of wasting those moments chatting about the weather.  I want the rest of my seconds, minutes, days, months and years to count, don’t you? 

I’ve challenged myself, and now I challenge you to get honest, get real and get invested in someone else’s life.  Look outside of yourself and see where God can use you in the life of another person who is hiding behind their facade of perfection.  Or maybe, it’s your turn to come out from behind your movie set of a life.  Go on now, start breaking down those fake walls, you don’t need them anymore.