Thought I’d jump on the throw back Thursday wagon here on my blog too. Ten short months ago, I embarked on a 30 day journey to raise money in an effort to fund my new project Start Where You Are which is halfway finished thanks to many generous friends and family! While the project funded, that 30 day trek was one of the most stressful things I’ve ever done.
I was talking to a super talented friend of mine named Jack, who is embarking on his own Kickstarter project. It reminded me of how humbling it is asking people to come along side you and believe in what you’re doing enough to support it. I learned so much from that experience, and it inspired me to reach out and help others in any way I can, no matter how small. It also taught me that in the moments of uncertainty, not knowing what the outcome would be, that God was still with me, and had a plan. I hope this inspires you in the same way. Enjoy!
Guts out for the world to see
A couple of months ago, my husband and I came up with a crazy idea. We saw artists, Christian and non-Christian alike having success funding their creative projects through Kickstarter. Anyone from Evan Wickham to Carman (remember him?) were funding their new musical projects this way! After lots of prayer, thinking and preparing, we thought “let’s just do it!” I was nervous, excited, hopeful, and scared all at the same time! What I didn’t realize was that launching a creative project in this way is really an act of putting your heart out for the world to see…and hoping they’ll like your heart and want to see more.
Within the same month, The Lord gave me the opportunity to share my testimony on a live television/web show. This interview wasn’t meant to happen until October, but due to scheduling conflicts, I was asked if I could do the interview on June 18th. Trusting that God had it all figured out, I accepted without question. My testimony has by no means been a secret, but this was the first time I made it known on such a grand public scale, and let people in on the mess that God had brought my husband and I through. That is more like putting your guts out for the world to see, and hoping they’ll still like your heart, and now that they’ve seen your guts, you’ll hope they’ll like them and still want to see more.
While I would love to say that I am all good, and that none of this has moved me, I wouldn’t be telling the truth. I want to seem strong, like I’ve got it all together, don’t we all? But, I’ve strived to be all about transparency, I mean, my heart and my guts are already out there, right? So, with that I will say, these last 25 days have been some of the most challenging I’ve ever faced. I’ve even had people within the church question my motives, and say that I need to just go get a job and raise the money myself. The human side of me wants to act as if none of that matters to me, that people’s opinions aren’t important, that they don’t know my heart. I realize in the grand scheme of things that is true…only God’s opinion is what matters, He is my defense and He alone knows my heart. But the truth is, these things DO hurt, and the fact that these words coming from other believers is truly just sad.
There’s a work God has been doing in me so far this month. I’ve been convicted to look at other people and projects I didn’t support, when I could have. I genuinely, with everything in me wish that I could go back to every single person who has ever asked for financial support, and offer them even $5 at the time they needed it most. I now realize that it really is the heart and the thought that counts. It’s the statement of “hey, you know what, I love you, I believe in what your doing, and I want to stand with you in this.” It has been a season of looking at the motives of my own heart, my own selfishness, and a call to reach out to each and every person I am given the opportunity to come in contact with. I’ve been challenged to stop squandering opportunities to serve and bless my fellow brothers and sisters in Jesus.
What a battle this month has been. With only 5 days left, I firmly believe that God has a plan, that His ways are FAR beyond my finding out, and that He “owns the cattle on a thousand hills”, and that He could fund this project in heartbeat. I also know that He could has a plan beyond this 30 days of funding, one that may not even need this Kickstarter. If this project doesn’t fund, it doesn’t mean God has forgotten, or that I have somehow slipped through the cracks. What it means is that He has a master plan, not a backup plan, not a plan B, but a PERFECT plan, one that He has known since the BEGINNING OF TIME! What a MIGHTY, sovereign, gracious and loving God we serve!
All of this being said, and at the risk of being seen as weak I will tell you, my heart has been overwhelmed by anxiety and twinges of fear this month as I truly throw everything I have out there counting on the body of Christ to help a vision come to fruition. However, through the times of doubt, and the moments of fear, I have been reassured by friends telling me they are praying for me, God’s Word telling me He has the best for me, and above all the faith that God knows our hearts, He sees our guts, and He loves them! He created us for His purposes, and He will not fail me, even if Kickstarter does.
Complete in Jesus,
P.S. Please check out my friend Jack’s Kickstarter and see how you can help! My husband and I know very few people as kind, generous and deserving as him.